The Blah Quarter

The Blah Quarter

I should begin every NFL piece with “well, at least no one has been milled yet,” which would absolutely apply here, That good news aside, the first quarter of the NFL has been notably snoozeworthy.

As has become the status quo, mediocrity reigns. Last Sunday, the undefeated Chicago Bears out-Cutlered the most Jay Cultler-inspired team in the NFL – the Detroit Lions – giving up 40 points in the process. The Marc Trestman Miracle from Canada has hit an icy patch.

At the same time, the Buffalo Bills avoided the usual end-of-game train wreck, miraculously defeating the Super Bowl champs in a game that once again proclaimed the bone-average E.J. Manuel as “a future superstar.” Then, last night, in what was perhaps the most poetic NFL moment in years, both the Buffalo and Cleveland quarterbacks were forced to leave the game, pummelled to the point of no return in a victory of the Mighty Mighty Browns.

If we can’t realistically hope for super-exciting football, at least we can look forward to importing quarterbacks from Canada and maybe Denmark, as helmets, ACLs, and performance-enhancing substances decimate QB depth charts. By December, Jooonas Hämäläinen, of American Footballklub Tartu, will start for Washington.

In other news, the New Orleans Saints prove that you can cheat for years, take a one-season walkabout, and return, as dirty as ever, to prominence. I’m rooting for an Indianapolis-New Orleans Sooperbowl in which Andrew Luck prevails as the universal force of good and the Saints return to Hades on a beignet.

Happy viewing!

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Aron Solomon is a global strategist, planting things at the intersection of education and innovation. He likes ice-cold light American beer, catching foul balls in his Rawlings, and can be followed on Twitter @aronsolomon

 

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Aron Solomon

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